I just pynch a tree in the face
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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