So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Randomize
