You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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