I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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