Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm passing your future prison.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
