no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
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i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
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We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.