Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
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he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
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She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest