Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
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all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I licked your asshole in confidence.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place