Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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