Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
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just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night