Soap is not a condiment
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.