omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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