No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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