Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
