dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize
