If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Who died my cat blue again?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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