the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
