Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
