my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
