fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
