Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
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i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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