I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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