I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
