she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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