I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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