I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
