Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
