My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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