Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
