All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
