I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
