About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
