Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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