Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
