Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
