Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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