I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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