he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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