so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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