dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
