I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Mom said you looked used
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
