Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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