drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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