goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
