I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's always time for handjobs
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
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