i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
