All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
