Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Can't talk, ducks in the car
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
