I wish I could teleport
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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