Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
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