How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
