i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
