My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
