he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
