Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
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she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
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best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...