I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
