just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
