i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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