i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
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Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
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Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks