I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
