People with herpes should wear stickers.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?