You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
