So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
