BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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