Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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