I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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