If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
home. puking in laundry basket.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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