Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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