I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Semen is not good for contacts.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
