Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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