I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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