i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
