he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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