Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
