I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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