Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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