she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
