I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
